Tonight I was reminded how dumb I am as a male at times\u2026 \u00a0<\/p>\n
Let me set the stage: I have been married to the same amazing woman for more than 20 years(!). We have lived together (in *hard* conditions at times), worked together, ran a business together, raised 6 children together, built a house and property together: been in each other\u2019s spaces *constantly*. \u00a0<\/p>\n
She has continually told me what she needs *so* many times it\u2019s absurd. \u00a0<\/p>\n
Even so, tonight, I come in to the bedroom and kneel down next to the bed. (No I\u2019m not so holy I am about to pray – my back pain prevents me from lying down at times). It has been a particularly hard day with pain & headaches –\u00a0I\u2019ve nearly made it through another one\u2026 (yay!).\u00a0<\/p>\n
My night time routine is to work or focus on something to try to ignore the pain until I can finally sleep. It\u2019s the home stretch of lasting the day and I can finally \u2018escape\u2019.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But just as I open the laptop, my wife blurts out:\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\u201cPay me some attention\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
My first thought is:<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no – REALLY?!!\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n
“All I want to do is to zone out, escape or ignore the pain and finally sleep – I *really* don\u2019t have any emotional energy left. Deadlines, planning, tax, finances, breakdowns – I have so much to do!\u2026”<\/em><\/p>\n
How selfish and DUMB can I be?!!\u00a0<\/p>\n
Twenty years ago, the next thought would not have come, I would have been angry & thought \u2018stop being so needy \/ demanding\u2019 – but at least now it does:<\/p>\n
\u201cThis amazing woman, who puts up with all my crap, would do anything for me, gives of herself daily to me and our children, has stuck with me through every valley, is telling you what she needs & wants from you\u2026. And you are saying no?!!!!!\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cWould I prefer she turns to substances or Facebook or other people or get her support and connection elsewhere? Then be surprised when we have \u2018drifted\u2019 apart so much things are at breaking point? Or one of us leaves? And then go through the disaster of separation & have to walk with \u2019that\u2019 journey with the kids?\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n
\nI WOULD LOVE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU HONEY!!<\/em><\/p>\n
Thankyou for the opportunity. And thank you for telling me what you need. So sorry I am so, so dumb at times and don\u2019t recognise what you want \/ need\u2026<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
The truth is, my incredible wife is so aware of what she needs and at times will let me know. Whether I listen & respond or not is a reflection on me<\/em> not her.<\/p>\n
I hope & pray one day that my FIRST thought is what she deserves & desires. Or even that I would recognise what she needs & try to meet if BEFORE she asks!<\/p>\n
I believe that is what God wants from me (and all husbands):\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a025 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God\u2019s word.\u00a0<\/em>Ephesians 5:25-26 (NLT)<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n
Intentional. Aware. Sacrificial. To love: to meet her needs, connect at her level, to listen to what she is feeling, hear her heart and connect with what she has gone through today, encourage her for what she has accomplished or tried…<\/p>\n
When I get this right, she goes to bed with her love tank full. More peaceful, more content, more adventurous, more grateful, more loving, more motivated\u2026 <\/p>\n
I\u2019d love to be *way* better at this, but I have to admit – it is only by God\u2019s huge transformation in my life that this is even on the radar, let alone in the realm of possibility.\u00a0<\/p>\n
So, if you think your wife is \u2018demanding\u2019 too much, stop & think – maybe she\u2019s not. Maybe she\u2019s just revealing a bit of her world you haven\u2019t noticed yet.\u00a0
Trying to express what she needs – and saying she is willing to get it *from you*!!!<\/p>\nOpening up and revealing that *you* are the one she desires to have her need met by\u2026 Not others, she wants *you* to be her knight and delight. Wow. What a privilege!\u00a0<\/p>\n
I know it\u2019s not easy – we have so much else to do and achieve – but if we want to tackle a task that:<\/p>\n
God says is vital,
God empowers us for,\u00a0
God uses to reveal His nature and love to those around<\/p>\nlet\u2019s tackle it with the same determination and focus we do with other things\u2026 It will force us to grow, strengthen our relationship and model to others (especially our children) what love is.\u00a0<\/p>\n
And wives, if your husband doesn\u2019t get it or forgets or struggles or does the wrong thing (exact opposite at times if like me!), please give him some extra grace & try to explain it again. Slowly\u2026 (use pictures if needed!): us males really aren\u2019t that smart at these sorts of things! Well, I\u2019m not anyway.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Lord, please continue to change me & give me understanding. Thank You for my wife – for who she is & what she does – but also for what she needs. Help me to be the husband You desire for her – modelling Your selfless love & sacrifice to her. Thank You for her grace, please strengthen & bless her tonight and give me wisdom for tomorrow.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Tonight I was reminded how dumb I am as a male at times\u2026 \u00a0 Let me set the stage: I have been married to the same amazing woman for more than 20 years(!). We have lived together (in *hard* conditions at times), worked together, ran a business together, raised 6 children together, built a house and property together: been in each other\u2019s spaces *constantly*. \u00a0 She has continually told me what she needs *so* many times it\u2019s absurd. \u00a0 Even so, tonight, I come in to the bedroom and kneel down next to the bed. (No I\u2019m not so holy …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1869,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[49,47],"tags":[61],"class_list":["post-1870","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-significant-other","category-relationships","tag-marriage"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Screenshot_SND3169.jpg?fit=1458%2C1300&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pasDCW-ua","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1870","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1870"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1870\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1875,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1870\/revisions\/1875"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1869"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1870"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1870"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wildeden.com.au\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1870"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}